Bdays... ah... they used to be fun...

Bdays used to be such happy moments... Last year, it sort of sucked... this year it was much better... although I had some mixed feelings... Is it age, is your bday supposed to be less important as you grow older? Is this some sort of social rule I am missing?
Right now, I am having tons of those mixed feelings. I am not sure if I am just being childish, or I have an actual reason to be upset. It is 8:20pm and my brother just called to wish me Happy Bday... at 8:20 pm... Granted there is a 2 hour time difference right now, and he is attending some conference or something, but still...I was offended he couldn;t find 5 minutes earlier in the day to wish me a Happy Bday. Or just 2 minutes... Am I being childish? I need a second opinion!

Bad weather and sadness...

I miss the sun, I miss home, I miss happiness... A strange and shocking thing happened today... I was reading one of the blogs I follow and the question of the day was what do you daydream about. And the first thing that popped into my head was "I daydream about a time when I felt loved, confident, and happy..." I really hope it is just the bad murky weather outside that is the cause here and not my life in general, because if it was true in general it would be really sad... Who knows, maybe it is true... Last night I was pretty much told that unless I fix a zillion things about myself, no one will ever accept me... Today I was told that somehow, somebody had overinflated my confidence for whatever wrong reason... So now, what can I do... I cannot give up, so I am on a mission to fix things. Some of those things, I understand... they are true... I let myself slip... somehow life took over and I ended up on the last spot on the priorities list.. more like I fell off the list altogether. But other things... I am not sure are fixable. So where does that leave me... Maybe alone... who knows... the future will tell... For now, I am just sad and hopefully somewhere inside I still have the power to fix things... but what about the unfixable ones? What if I am unfixable, broken, forever?

Cake, family and flowers

All in all it was a good weekend... lots of ups and downs for different reasons, but today I am starting the week on a more positive note, so I guess it;s all good. On Saturday I got to spend half the day with my brother and his wife. They gave me a beautifyl buquet of daffodils, 3 or 4 kinds. I posted pictures with them and a few others on my other blog. It was great, we grilled, we overate, and we stayed out in the sun... S. makes the best tandori chicken on the grill! Yamm.. whish I had some left just about now because I am starving!
The pineapple cake I "made" was deeelicious! And so was the second cake with cappuccino ice cream... A German thing, got it from Aldi's and I am going back for more so if you are interested I can post a picture of the box later on. It is the lightest, not too sweet cake I have ever bought... but I am partial, I love coffee flavored pretty much anything.





If I had to choose a favorite between the two... it would be really really hard... maybe the pineapple one because it is somewhat healthier. Here is the very very simple 15 minute recipe:

Just take a small loaf of angle food cake, 3/4 box of whip cream, and 1/2 can crushed pineapple. Cut the cake in 3 equal layers. Mix some of the whip cream with the very, very well drained pineapple (I actually just squeeze it in my fist to make sure I get all the extra juice out). In the meantime, use some of the pineapple juice in the can to moisten the 3 layers. Then simply put the pineapple-whip cream mixture between the two layers (you can lay it on almost as think as the cake layers, almost...), and use the rest of the whip cream to nicely coat the entire cake, and voila! You can serve it or keep it in the fridge/freezer for later. You can decorate it with other fruits (strawberries, kiwis, bluberries, etc.) as you wish.
When I bake it from scratch, I use the other half of the can to put inside the cake mixture before I bake it and then it will have an even stronger pineapple flavor.

Friday sucks and other things...

Today I am feeling too whatever sad and depressed feels like. I am sitting in the office trying really hard to be productive and not look like I am about to cry and it sucks. All I want to do is go crawl into a little ball in a dark corner and let it out.. It;s not like I have anyone to talk to about it... How could i possibly explain it all to anyone... It's not like I can do anything about it, it's not like anyone could help and then people like to judge and then they would look at me differently. Why is life so complicated? Why is it that even when u try to do something right by you or right by others things still go so horrible wrong. Where did I take the wrong turn and how can I make it right. I can;t believe I am saying this, but Friday sucks! At least this Friday does...